‘Chick Bank Robber’ Arrested After Posting Video About Her Crimes
By ALEX ALVAREZ
There are several very important steps involved in planning and executing the perfect crime. Timing, for example. Stealth. Confidence. And making sure your fans can clearly see your ICP pipe as you shoot a YouTube video detailing your crime.
Nineteen-year-old Hannah Sabata, for example, knows exactly what it takes to be a successful criminal in today’s Faygo-stained world of viral videos and overnight sensations. Not only did she film a video about stealing a car and robbing $6,256 from a bank (Description: “I just stole a car and robbed a bank. Now I’m rich, I can pay off my college financial aid and tomorrow i’m going for a shopping spree. Bite me. I love GREENDAY!”), she also made excellent use of props, from unreadable signs detailing her crime to the aforementioned drug paraphernalia.
And Hannah, fully aware that any Lifetime movie or reality television show requires an engaging plot, even shared with viewers why it was that she did all this: She’s a “victim of the government.”
“For one,” she tells us, “the whole system is just a game.” A game in which the government, as she shared, took her baby and charged her with neglect. A game in which you lose your car. Check it out:
It’s also a game in which you don’t get a lot of time to gloat over your success. Nebraska police arrested Sabata last week in connection to the robbery and car theft, thanks to her video confession and the fact that, in the video, she is seen wearing the same clothes as the robber. This is known as “branding.”
So, congratulations, Hannah. Sure, you’ve had to give back (all but $30 worth, apparently) of the money you stole, but you DID IT. You hatched a plan, you followed through, you had some time to pantomime smoking up, and now you get to join the ranks of celebrated email forward-fodder like…
1. This dude in Kentucky who stole gasoline from a police cruiser and posted a picture of his crime on Facebook. He went the extra mile by throwing in an obscene gesture. Andy Milonakis is set to play him in the upcoming television film ‘lol d00d u r kray, 6 likes, 2 shares.’
2. Or this guy in Georgia, who knows that a lack of cat burglar costume funds should never dissuade you from accomplishing the task at hand. Don’t have a mask? Yo, that’s totally fine. Get creative. Use a shoe, a pickle, some road kill or follow his lead and hide your face using a furnace filter. Anything that leaves your face visible enough to still garner you the fame and celebrity you so richly deserve.
3. And when it comes to personal branding, be sure to let your own personality shine through. Gone are the days when the public was content to have its criminals prance around in ski masks carrying sacks with dollar signs writ upon them. This dude makes sure to cash a stolen check on camera while wearing a thought-provoking t-shirt and cool facial hair.